Christmas without my Dad

It's probably a bit early for a recap of the year but nonetheless, events in my life lately have forced me to think back over this year and how it has been for me.

In general Christmas is my absolute favourite time of the year, I'm like a child when it comes to anything Christmassy and it's not about the gifts but rather more about the happiness and twinkling lights and prettiness and carols.

This year though, for the first time, all I can feel is sadness - it will be the first Christmas without my lovely Dad. I wrote about his passing here - Saying Goodbye to Dad. Since I wrote that post, I also suffered from a tear in my carotid artery, a very serious and life threatening condition which left me debilitated and struggling for a long time (Carotid Artery Dissection).
I suppose the physical events and worry consumed my whole life for a time and the grief for Dad's passing was pushed away to the back of my mind. Now though, I'm feeling a little better and all of a sudden there's lots of room for thoughts and memories to come crowding back into my head.

Like Dad driving down on Christmas day - Mum would always get out of the car first and then Dad would park and he'd come in - using a stick in latter years. He'd always have a coffee and maybe a little treat - although he might demur initially as they were heading onwards to my auntie's house for dinner.
He was always cheery and bright and I know that this Christmas will feel so wrong without him. He loved Christmas Day, particularly because of the food :)  I've definitely inherited that part of him!

He always encouraged my business and would ask how things were going and I know that he would be proud that I've done so much this year. Yet although success is great and in a normal state of mind, I'd be delighted, somehow it all seems a bit hollow right now.
I know it will be impossibly hard for my mum and hard too for the grandchildren but we will get through it I guess and I have to remember how blessed we were to have such a kind and gentle man in our lives.

I guess I just need to say for myself and for the spirit of my Dad that we are thinking of you and we miss you.

My Dad in a restaurant in Portarlington
Dad at a family dinner in Portarlington

Val Kelliher Kerry 2009
Dad and Izzy in Kerry in 2009

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  • Joanna Victoria -x
    Joanna Victoria -x 4 December 2015 at 08:56

    My dad passed away back in early 2009. The first Christmas without him felt so strange and felt wrong without him there.

  • Anosa
    Anosa 4 December 2015 at 15:27

    So sorry about your dad's passing I can not even imagine what it's like on top of that having the tear in your carotid artery must have been really scary.

  • Mudpie Fridays
    Mudpie Fridays 4 December 2015 at 19:50

    Oh honey I hope it goes as well as it possibly can, I can inking one what you went through with your health as well. Wishing you all the best for 2016 xx

  • Ana De-Jesus
    Ana De-Jesus 4 December 2015 at 20:30

    Stay strong love because your dad will be with you Christmas day watching over his girl and proud of everything that she has overcome.I am so sorry to hear about your illness I hope that you have a good support system and just remember your dad is always with you in your heart. Take care xx

  • Unknown
    Unknown 5 December 2015 at 08:51

    Thinking of you, this will be our fourth Christmas without my dad which is strange to think. It's also our fourth with children which makes it both happy and sad as my dad never got to meet my boys. Be gentle to yourself and allow time for remembering happier times xx

  • Unknown
    Unknown 8 December 2015 at 23:11

    I lost my dear dad this year and I really relate to this. Christmas just isn't the same. He was my biggest cheerleader too. I'm so sorry for your loss and your hard year. I hope 2016 is filled with joy and healing for us both.

  • Jemma @ Celery and Cupcakes
    Jemma @ Celery and Cupcakes 9 December 2015 at 09:43

    So sorry to read this! Just remember that he is always with you even if not physically.

  • Brittany Bly
    Brittany Bly 9 December 2015 at 13:56

    I am sorry for your loss. I love that you have some happy memories that you can keep forever.

  • Eliz Frank
    Eliz Frank 9 December 2015 at 22:24

    So, so sorry to hear about your loss... It is hard to celebrate favorite times without a loved one. Sending you hugs and seasons blessings! <3

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